I can raise my hand high in the air to say that I used to be extremely guilty of this one. Ok. Picture this scene (you probably can - a little too vividly…)where the male is watching his favorite sports team on TV and his wife/partner is in the background telling him about their plans for the evening and asking him if he’s ready to go and he has done all the jobs she’s asked him to do before they head out?

You nod or grunt a “mmm” – next minute she’s yelling and stomping around and you don’t know why! While I recognize it’s not a good time for her to be talking to you – the least you can do is turn around and acknowledge her instead of unintentionally giving her the message the TV is more important than her and what she’s saying – because trust me, this is what she will be thinking.

While men are quite happy to engage in a number of activities at once – including watching TV and holding a conversation; women take this as a sign you’re not actually listening.

You’ll notice when women ‘listen’ they ‘hear’ a lot of stuff that’s going on…that may not even be going on! They read a lot more into non verbal communication than men do. That’s why; if you don’t appear to be listening – i.e. giving her eye contact, nodding and smiling in agreement etc – she’ll just think you’ve not heard her, because you weren’t listening ‘female style’.

Can you see how this can lead to a huge source of trouble in a relationship? When she feels like you’re never listening to her? So, to save yourself an ear bashing – and to have your partner feeling loved and ‘listened to’ try and practice ‘female style’ active listening skills.

Next time you are talking together give her all of your attention. Give her cues that you are listening like nodding your head and saying, “Ah huh”, “Yes”, and “I see”. Paraphrase what she’s just said to you to make sure you have the right meaning - this will blow her away.

Refrain from offering her any well meaning advice. Even if she’s telling you how unhappy she is or what her problems are – because she doesn’t want your solutions. All she wants is comforting and some empathy. Please trust me on this – I’ve seen it transform my relationships will all the women in my life – not just my wife. Practice this one and you’ll all of a sudden you’ll be the man who really listens to her…instead of the jerk who doesn’t!